dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
