So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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