My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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