i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
