Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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