Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
