Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
