sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
