I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
