then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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