I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
