I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
