This show inspires me to have sex in space
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
