I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
