I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
