Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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