Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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