atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
