put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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