Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
