Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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