Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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