He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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