So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
