did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
