Your mouth is God's brothel.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
