he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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