So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
