just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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