I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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