I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
