Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
