So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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