Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
