The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
