Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You don't make any sense
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