I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
