roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
