I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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