Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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