We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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