Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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