I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
