does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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