Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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