I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
