"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
