Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
