He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
