can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You are the jesus of drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
