oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pooping to opera.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
