does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
soo... how was my night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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