After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We got so high we made milksteak
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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