everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
