At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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