First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
