I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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