I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
