This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
