At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
