we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize