i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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