its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
