i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
