So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
