my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
